Family Violence Tips For Children Young People

Overview

Family violence is when someone in your family or home hurts another person, or tries to control them. It can include hitting, pushing, threats, yelling, name-calling, keeping someone away from friends or money, or making someone feel afraid. Children and young people can be affected even if the violence is not aimed at them. Seeing or hearing it can be scary. It is not your fault.

Family violence is common. Many children and young people around the world live with it. You are not alone, and asking for help is a sign of strength.

It can affect anyone, at any age, in any kind of family. Children and young people are especially affected because home is meant to be a safe place. It can also affect older adults, and the same message applies: it is not your fault and support is available.

Symptoms

Common symptoms

• Feeling scared, worried, sad, angry or confused a lot of the time.
• Trouble sleeping, nightmares, or feeling jumpy.
• Headaches, stomach aches, or feeling sick when thinking about home.
• Finding it hard to concentrate at school or enjoy things you used to like.
• Feeling guilty, ashamed, or as if it is your fault.
• Withdrawing from friends or family, or getting into fights.
• Thinking about hurting yourself or feeling you cannot cope.

Symptoms in children

• Young children may cling to adults, cry more, have tantrums, wet the bed, or go back to younger behaviours.
• They may have nightmares or be afraid to leave a parent.
• They may complain of headaches or tummy aches.
• They may find it hard to play or talk about feelings.

Symptoms in older adults

• Older adults can also experience family violence. Signs can include fear of a family member, unexplained injuries, sudden changes in money or care, or being kept away from others.
• Help is available at any age. It is not your fault.

Causes

Main causes

• Family violence is caused by a person choosing to use violence or control. It is not caused by the child, the victim, or by a family's culture, religion, or money situation.
• Stress, alcohol or drug use, mental health problems, or money worries can make things worse, but they do not excuse violence.
• Violence is often about power and control over another person.

Risk factors

• Living with someone who uses violence or tries to control others.
• A history of abuse or violence in the family.
• Substance misuse, untreated mental health problems, or extreme stress in the home.
• Being isolated from friends, family, or support services.
• Financial hardship or housing problems, which can add pressure but are not excuses for violence.

When to see a doctor

See a doctor urgently if:

• You feel unsafe at home or afraid of what may happen next.
• You have an injury, pain, or health problem that needs care today.
• You are having thoughts of hurting yourself or someone else.
• You are being threatened or stopped from getting help.

Book a routine appointment if:

• You feel sad, scared, angry, or numb most days.
• You have trouble sleeping, eating, or concentrating at school.
• You want help talking to a trusted adult or making a safety plan.
• You are not sure if what is happening is abuse and want to talk it through.

Diagnosis

There is no simple test for family violence. A doctor, nurse, school counsellor, or support worker may talk with you privately. They may ask about your safety, your feelings, and whether you have been hurt. They can help you make a safety plan. They should explain who else may need to know if you are in danger.

Tests that may be done

• A physical check if you have been hurt.
• Gentle questions about safety at home and how you are feeling.
• A check on sleep, school, appetite, and mood.
• No blood test or scan can diagnose family violence.

What to expect at your appointment

You can ask to speak alone. You can ask what will be kept private. If you are in immediate danger, the doctor may need to involve a protective service or emergency help. They should tell you what they are doing and why.

Treatment

Help focuses on safety, support, and healing. You do not have to fix the situation alone. A trusted adult, doctor, counsellor, or local domestic abuse service can help you and your family find safer ways forward.

Self-care at home

• Tell a trusted adult, such as a teacher, school counsellor, relative, doctor, or friend's parent.
• Make a simple safety plan: know where you can go, who you can call, and how to get out quickly if you need to.
• If it is safe, keep a phone or a list of safe contacts. If someone checks your device, use a safer way to get help, like a school counsellor or a friend's phone.
• Use calming things that help you, like slow breathing, music, drawing, or time with a safe person.
• Remember that it is not your fault, even if you feel angry, confused, or guilty.

Medical treatments

Treatment may include counselling or therapy for children and young people, support from a domestic abuse service, safety planning, help at school, and medical care for any injuries. Some young people need extra support with anxiety (strong worry or fear), low mood, or trauma reactions (strong stress responses that continue after scary events). A qualified professional can talk with you about what is available. There is no single medicine that fixes family violence.

When is surgery considered?

Surgery is not a treatment for family violence itself. If someone has a serious injury, a doctor will decide what medical care, including surgery, is needed.

Living with this condition

Day to day, focus on safety and small steps. Try to keep a trusted adult in the loop. A safety plan can help you know what to do if things feel unsafe. It can also help to keep routines, like school, sleep, and meals, as steady as possible.

Lifestyle tips

• Spend time with people who make you feel safe and cared for.
• Keep moving in ways you enjoy, like walking, sport, dance, or playing outside.
• Get enough rest and try to keep a regular sleep routine.
• Take breaks from news or social media if it makes you feel more worried.
• Do things that help you feel like yourself, such as hobbies, music, art, or reading.

Diet and exercise

Try to eat regular meals and drink water through the day. Move your body in a way that feels good, not as a punishment. Rest is important too. If worry makes it hard to eat or sleep, tell a doctor or trusted adult.

Mental health and emotional wellbeing

Living with family violence can affect mental health. You may feel anxious, depressed, angry, numb, or on edge. You may have bad dreams or find it hard to trust people. These reactions are understandable, and support can help. If you are thinking about hurting yourself or someone else, call your local emergency number or a crisis service in your area right away.

Prevention

Family violence can be prevented. Safe, respectful homes and relationships help. Adults need support too, such as counselling, parenting help, and help with money or housing. Children and young people are never responsible for stopping violence between adults. Your job is to get help and stay safe.

Vaccines

There is no vaccine for family violence.

Screening programmes

Doctors, nurses, and school staff can ask gentle questions about safety. You can also start the conversation yourself if you feel safe to do so.

Complications

If left untreated

• Ongoing fear and stress.
• Anxiety, depression, or trauma reactions.
• Trouble at school, with sleep, or with friendships.
• Physical injuries.
• Feeling isolated or unable to ask for help.

Long-term outlook

With support, many children and young people begin to feel safer and more able to cope. Healing is not a straight line, and it can take time. You deserve help now, and reaching out is a brave first step.

Find support

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