How To Help Children And Young People

Overview

Children and young people — from babies up to about age 25 — sometimes need extra help. That might be with their body, their feelings, their behaviour, or just getting through everyday life. This guide is for parents, carers, grandparents, teachers and anyone else who looks after a young person. It explains the signs that a child may be struggling, what you can do at home, and when to get help from a doctor or another health professional. It is not about one single illness. Think of it as a practical map for helping a child through a hard time.

Very. Almost every child has times when they struggle — with sleep, worries, friendships, school or their mood. Most of these times pass with support at home. Some need extra help, and that is normal too.

Anyone who cares for or works with children: parents, foster carers, grandparents, siblings, teachers, coaches and youth workers. It covers children of all ages — babies and toddlers, school-age children, teenagers, and young adults up to about 25.

Symptoms

Common symptoms

• Changes in mood — more tearful, irritable, angry or quiet than usual
• Sleep changes — trouble falling asleep, waking often, nightmares, or sleeping much more
• Eating changes — eating much less or much more, or sudden worry about weight or body shape
• Pulling away from friends, family or things they used to enjoy
• Falling behind at school, refusing to go, or a sudden drop in schoolwork
• Physical complaints with no clear cause, like headaches, tummy aches or feeling sick
• Going backwards — younger behaviour such as thumb-sucking or needing a comfort object again
• Being much more clingy, or much more distant
• Acting out — fighting, lying, breaking rules or taking risks
• Talking negatively about themselves, or saying they are a burden

Symptoms in children

• More tantrums, meltdowns or aggression than is usual for their age
• Clinginess and fear of being apart from a parent or carer
• Losing skills they had — for example, losing toilet training or going back to baby talk
• New fears, nightmares, or trouble sleeping alone
• Complaining of tummy aches or headaches, often on school mornings
• Finding it hard to name feelings, so showing them through behaviour instead
• Play that repeats a scary or sad theme over and over

Symptoms in older adults

• Pulling away from family while still needing support — this is normal, but watch for total withdrawal
• Big changes in appearance, appetite or sleep
• Worry about identity, exams, money, work or the future
• Using alcohol or drugs, or other risky behaviour
• Spending much less time with friends, or suddenly dropping activities they loved
• Talking about hopelessness, or about not being around
• Struggling at college, university or work, or refusing to go

Causes

Main causes

• There is rarely one single cause — a mix of things usually adds up
• Stress at home, at school or online
• Bullying, including online bullying
• Changes at home — separation, a new baby, moving house, money worries
• Bereavement or another kind of loss
• Physical illness, pain or a long-term condition
• Hormones, growth spurts and brain changes in the teenage years
• Not enough sleep, food or movement
• Big events in the world, or things they see on the news and social media
• Sometimes a health condition such as anxiety, depression, ADHD or autism — these are nobody's fault

Risk factors

• A family history of mental health difficulties
• Family stress, conflict, or a parent with their own health problems
• Poverty, poor housing or not having enough food
• Being a young carer
• Being care-experienced or adopted
• Experiencing abuse, neglect or trauma
• A long-term physical illness or disability
• Being bullied, or feeling different from others
• Few friends, or little support at school
• Heavy social media use, especially late at night

When to see a doctor

See a doctor urgently if:

• Any talk of suicide or self-harm
• A sudden, severe change in mood or behaviour
• Not eating or drinking, or refusing food for more than a day
• A child who seems very unwell, or a fever that is getting worse
• Feeling unsafe at home, at school or online
• Hearing or seeing things that are not there

Book a routine appointment if:

• You are worried, and the worry is not going away
• Changes have lasted more than 2 to 4 weeks
• School, friendships, eating, sleep or daily life are being affected
• You feel out of your depth, or you are not sure what to do next
• Physical symptoms like headaches or tummy aches keep coming back
• You want a second opinion, or a referral to specialist support

Diagnosis

There is usually no single test. A GP or other health professional will start with a conversation — with you, and with the young person if they are old enough. They will ask what has changed, how long it has been going on, and how it affects sleep, eating, school and friendships. They may ask about home life and any big events. They will check whether a physical problem could be behind it. Sometimes they will ask you both to fill in a short questionnaire about mood, worries or behaviour. If it is needed, they will refer you to a specialist team for children and young people's mental health, or to a children's doctor (paediatrician).

Tests that may be done

• Usually none — the assessment is mostly a conversation
• A physical check-up, including height and weight
• Blood tests, sometimes, to rule out things like low iron or a thyroid problem
• A urine test or swab if there is a physical symptom to look into
• Short questionnaires about mood, anxiety, sleep or behaviour
• Feedback from school, with your permission

What to expect at your appointment

Expect the first appointment to take time. It helps to write down what you have noticed and when it started. If the young person is old enough, ask for them to be seen alone for part of the visit — teenagers often speak more freely without a parent in the room. You should leave with a plan: something to try, something to keep an eye on, and either a follow-up date or a referral. If the plan is not clear, it is fine to ask: 'What happens next?'

Treatment

Help usually starts with the basics — sleep, food, movement, routine, and one trusted adult who really listens. When difficulties continue or affect daily life, talking therapies are the main treatment. Support from family and school matters just as much as the sessions themselves. Most children do not need medicine. When medicine is used, it is started and reviewed by a specialist, alongside talking therapy, and never as the only answer.

Self-care at home

• Make time to listen without jumping in to fix. Say back what you hear.
• Take their feelings seriously, even when they seem small to you.
• Keep routines steady — regular meals, a set bedtime and screen-off time.
• Spend short, regular one-to-one time together. Ten minutes a day can matter more than one big talk.
• Get them moving and outdoors when you can.
• Name and normalise feelings — it helps to hear 'lots of people feel like that'.
• Stay calm. Long lectures land badly when someone is already upset.
• Cut back on late-night screens, and keep devices out of the bedroom.
• Keep the door open. If now is not the moment, try again later.
• Look after yourself too. Your wellbeing helps theirs.

Medical treatments

Talking therapies come in different forms. For example, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) helps people spot unhelpful thought patterns and practise new ways of coping. Counselling offers a regular space to talk. Family therapy brings the family together with a therapist to work on the problem as a group. Younger children are often helped through play-based therapy or work with a child psychologist. Support in school — such as a pastoral worker or school counsellor — can make a real difference. When difficulties are more severe, specialist child and adolescent mental health services can offer more intensive therapy. Medicine is sometimes used for some conditions, but only after a specialist assessment and usually alongside talking therapy. Your doctor or specialist will explain the options, the benefits and the risks, and will check how things are going.

When is surgery considered?

Surgery is not used to treat emotional or behavioural difficulties. It may be needed for some physical health conditions — your doctor will explain clearly if that applies to your child.

Living with this condition

Days will not be perfect, and that is okay. Aim for steady rather than perfect. Keep mealtimes and bedtimes as regular as you can, keep the young person connected to one or two trusted people, and keep school in the loop. Expect good days and hard days. A hard day is not a failure — it is part of the picture.

Lifestyle tips

• Regular sleep, with a set bedtime and a calm wind-down
• Movement every day, ideally outdoors
• Time with friends and hobbies that are not about achieving anything
• Screen limits, especially at night, plus open talk about what they see online
• Small jobs at home — helping out builds a sense of being needed
• Family time that is not about schoolwork or behaviour

Diet and exercise

Regular meals and snacks help steady mood and energy. You do not need a special diet — offer a variety of foods, keep mealtimes relaxed, and try not to turn food into a battleground. If a young person is skipping meals, bingeing, or is very worried about weight or body shape, talk to a doctor promptly, because eating difficulties are easier to help early. Aim for about an hour of movement a day for children, and something active most days for teenagers. Walking, cycling, sport, dancing or just playing all count. It should feel good, not like punishment.

Mental health and emotional wellbeing

This is the heart of the matter. Difficulties with mood, anxiety, trauma or behaviour affect how a young person sees themselves, how they learn and how they get on with others — and they affect the whole family too. It is very common to feel guilty, exhausted or frightened as a parent or carer. Those feelings are valid, and you deserve support as well. Mental health difficulties are not a sign of weakness or bad parenting, and they can be treated. If a young person ever talks about ending their life or self-harming, treat it as an emergency: stay with them, safely remove access to anything harmful where you can, and call your local emergency number or a crisis line straight away. Do not leave them alone.

Prevention

You cannot prevent every difficulty, and it is not your fault when one appears. But steady, warm relationships are the strongest protection there is. Children who feel safe, listened to and valued cope better with whatever comes. Early help — noticing something and acting on it — makes a real difference.

Vaccines

Keeping up with routine childhood vaccinations protects against illnesses that can affect growth, learning and wellbeing. Ask your GP, health visitor or pharmacist about the schedule where you live.

Screening programmes

Regular developmental reviews, growth checks and school health checks help spot problems early. If you are worried between checks, you do not need to wait for the next appointment — just ask.

Complications

If left untreated

• Difficulties can last longer and become harder to treat
• Trouble at school, missed learning and falling behind
• Strained relationships with family and friends
• Higher risk of self-harm, substance use or risky behaviour
• Physical effects from poor sleep, poor eating or long-term stress
• Lower confidence, and a harder time moving into adult life

Long-term outlook

Hopeful. Most children and young people who get support — from family, school, a GP or a specialist — do get better. Early help tends to work best, but it is never too late to start. Recovery often goes up and down rather than in a straight line, and that is normal. Your steady presence is one of the most powerful things in the room.

Find support

External links open third-party websites. Ruqelo Health is not responsible for external content. Listing an organisation does not imply endorsement.