grief that comes and goes
Informed by recognized medical guidance
Overview
Grief is a natural response to losing someone or something important. It doesn’t follow a straight path. It can come and go in waves, sometimes triggered by reminders. This is normal.
Key facts
- Grief is not a linear process; you may move through many emotions in any order.
- It can resurface months or years later, often triggered by memories.
- There is no right or wrong way to grieve; everyone’s experience is unique.
Very common. Almost everyone who experiences a significant loss will have times when grief resurfaces.
It affects people of all ages, cultures, and backgrounds. How it shows up may depend on your relationship with the person, your personality, and your support network.
Symptoms
- Thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life
- Hearing or seeing things that others don’t
- Feeling so overwhelmed that you can’t take care of yourself
- ⚠Severe panic attacks or anxiety that won’t ease
- ⚠Unable to eat or drink for more than a day
- ⚠Feeling unsafe or in crisis
Common symptoms
- Waves of sadness that come and go
- Unexpected crying
- Difficulty concentrating
- Fatigue or low energy
- Difficulty sleeping
- Less interest in activities you used to enjoy
- Physical sensations like tightness in chest or stomach
Symptoms in children
- Behaviour changes such as clinginess or acting younger
- Difficulty playing or concentrating
- Anger or tantrums
- Asking repeated questions about the person who died
- Changes in appetite or sleep
Symptoms in older adults
- More frequent memories of past losses
- Aches and pains with no clear cause
- Withdrawal from social activities
- Confusion or feeling stuck in grief
Causes
Main causes
- Grief that comes and goes is often a natural part of mourning a loss.
- It can be triggered by anniversaries, places, smells, or even happy events that remind you of the person.
Risk factors
- Previous mental health difficulties
- A sudden or traumatic loss
- Lack of social support
- Multiple losses close together
When to see a doctor
See a doctor urgently if:
- Thoughts of self-harm or suicide
- You feel you can’t cope with daily life
Book a routine appointment if:
- Grief is interfering with work, school, or relationships for a long time
- You feel numb, empty, or unable to feel anything
- You are using alcohol or drugs to cope
Diagnosis
A healthcare provider will listen to your story, ask about your feelings and symptoms, and may ask how the loss is affecting your daily life. There are no lab tests for grief; it is diagnosed based on your experiences.
Tests that may be done
- No specific tests.
- In some cases, your provider may do a simple health check or ask you to complete a questionnaire about your mood.
What to expect at your appointment
The provider will talk with you in a supportive, non-judgmental way. They may explore whether your grief is part of a normal response or something more like prolonged grief disorder.
Treatment
Treatment focuses on helping you process the loss and adjust to life without the person or thing you lost. It may include talking therapies, support groups, and self-care.
Self-care at home
- Allow yourself to feel your emotions without judgment
- Keep a journal of your thoughts and memories
- Talk to trusted friends or family about the person you lost
- Set small daily routines to help you feel grounded
- Do things that bring you comfort, like walking or listening to music
Medical treatments
In some cases, a healthcare provider may talk about medication to help with severe depression or anxiety that can accompany grief. Any medication would be prescribed by a qualified professional and is usually used alongside talking therapy, not alone.
Living with this condition
Take each day as it comes. Some days will be heavier than others. Plan ahead for difficult dates like birthdays or anniversaries and give yourself extra care then.
Lifestyle tips
- Maintain a regular sleep schedule as much as possible
- Try gentle physical activity like walking or yoga
- Limit alcohol, as it can make grief harder to process
- Spend time in nature
- Consider joining a grief support group in your community or online
Diet and exercise
Eat regular meals even if you don’t feel hungry. Simple, nutritious food can support your energy. Light exercise may help lift your mood and improve sleep.
Mental health and emotional wellbeing
Grief can feel like depression, but it is not the same. However, prolonged grief can sometimes develop into depression. It is important to monitor how you feel and seek help if you notice changes like persistent low mood, hopelessness, or withdrawal.
Prevention
Grief itself cannot be prevented — it’s a normal response to loss. But getting good support early can help you cope with waves of grief and prevent them from becoming overwhelming.
Complications
If left untreated
- Persistent complicated grief (also called prolonged grief disorder)
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Difficulty functioning at work or home
- Risk of substance use
Long-term outlook
For most people, grief waves become less intense and less frequent over time. It doesn’t mean you forget the person — it means you learn to carry the loss while still living fully. Many people find that they develop a new appreciation for life and deeper connections with others.
Find support
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Always verify with your doctor
Health guidelines vary by country and region. The information in this article is based on international clinical guidelines but may not reflect the specific guidelines, medications, or practices in your country. Always discuss your health concerns with your own doctor or healthcare provider, and refer to your local national health guidelines where available.
Important notice This information is for educational purposes only. It does not replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider about your specific situation. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call your local emergency services immediately.
Related conditions
Sources and guidance
This article is educational and is prepared with reference to recognized health information and clinical guidance sources where available. Specific source links may vary by topic.
Last updated: July 31, 2026
Educational note: This information is for education only and is not a diagnosis.
Use it to support, not replace, advice from a licensed clinician.
If symptoms are severe, worsening, or urgent, call your local emergency number or seek emergency care.