long lasting grief

Overview

Long-lasting grief, sometimes called prolonged grief disorder, is when the pain of losing a loved one does not ease over time and starts to interfere with everyday life. It is a real and recognised mental health condition, not a sign of weakness.

Yes, long-lasting grief is more common than many people think. Research suggests that around 1 in 10 people who lose someone close may experience prolonged grief disorder.

It can affect anyone, at any age. You may be more likely to experience it if the loss was sudden, violent, or involved someone very close to you, such as a child or partner.

Symptoms

Common symptoms

• Intense, overwhelming sadness that doesn't improve
• Feeling that life has no meaning or purpose
• Avoiding reminders of the person you lost
• Difficulty accepting the loss
• Feeling numb or detached
• Trouble sleeping, eating, or concentrating

Symptoms in children

• Clinginess or separation anxiety
• Regressing to earlier behaviours like bedwetting
• Changes in school performance
• Anger or irritability
• Physical complaints like stomach aches

Symptoms in older adults

• Difficulty adjusting to life without the person
• Increased loneliness and isolation
• Lower interest in activities they used to enjoy
• Sleep problems and poor appetite
• Worsening of existing health conditions

Causes

Main causes

• The death of someone you were very close to
• A sudden, unexpected, or traumatic loss
• Multiple losses close together

Risk factors

• Having a history of depression, anxiety, or other mental health problems
• Losing a child, partner, or sibling
• Lack of support from family or friends
• Other stresses at the same time, such as money or housing problems

When to see a doctor

See a doctor urgently if:

• If you have thoughts of ending your life, call your local emergency number immediately or go to the nearest Emergency Department.
• If you feel you cannot keep yourself safe, get urgent help the same day.

Book a routine appointment if:

• If your grief has not started to ease after about 6 months
• If your grief is affecting your daily life and relationships
• If you have physical symptoms that worry you, such as trouble sleeping or loss of appetite

Diagnosis

A doctor, usually a GP, will ask about your symptoms, how long you've been grieving, and how it affects your life. They will check to make sure there isn't another cause, such as depression or post-traumatic stress disorder.

Tests that may be done

• A conversation about your feelings and grief
• A questionnaire about your symptoms
• A physical examination to rule out other conditions

What to expect at your appointment

You may be referred to a specialist mental health service or a bereavement counsellor. The assessment usually takes place over one or more appointments, and you can bring a supportive friend or family member with you.

Treatment

Treatment for long-lasting grief focuses on helping you adjust to life without your loved one, in your own time. It usually includes talking therapies, support groups, and practical help with coping day by day.

Self-care at home

• Allow yourself to feel your emotions without judgement
• Keep a simple routine for meals, sleep, and activity
• Stay connected with trusted friends or family members
• Write a journal or a letter to the person you lost
• Be patient with yourself – healing takes time

Medical treatments

Talking therapies are the main treatment. A type of therapy called cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) may help you address unhelpful thoughts and behaviours around the loss. A doctor might also discuss antidepressants with you if you have severe depression alongside grief, but medication is never the first or only treatment and must be prescribed by a qualified doctor.

When is surgery considered?

Not relevant.

Living with this condition

Long-lasting grief can make everyday life feel heavy. Take things one day at a time. Try to keep small routines, like getting dressed and having regular meals. It can help to set small, achievable goals like a short walk or phoning a friend.

Lifestyle tips

• Get some gentle exercise, like walking
• Try to keep regular sleep times
• Limit alcohol and caffeine, which can worsen low mood
• Spend time in nature if you can
• Join a bereavement support group in your area

Diet and exercise

Eating a balanced diet with plenty of fruit, vegetables, and whole grains can support your energy and mood. Regular physical activity, even a daily 10-minute walk, can help reduce symptoms of low mood and anxiety.

Mental health and emotional wellbeing

Living with long-lasting grief can increase your risk of depression, anxiety, and sleep problems. It can also affect your memory and concentration. Be kind to yourself and seek help as soon as you notice these signs. If you feel hopeless or have thoughts of harming yourself, call your local emergency number right away.

Prevention

It's not always possible to prevent long-lasting grief, but having good support soon after a loss may help you cope with your emotions as they come. Letting yourself grieve in your own way and asking for help early can make a difference.

Vaccines

Not applicable.

Screening programmes

There is no routine screening test, but your doctor may ask about your mental health at check-ups.

Complications

If left untreated

• Depression or anxiety disorders
• Sleep problems, such as insomnia
• Alcohol or substance misuse
• Difficulty working or looking after your family
• Increased risk of physical health problems, such as heart disease

Long-term outlook

With the right help, most people with long-lasting grief find their pain gradually becomes lighter. Symptoms may not disappear completely, but you can learn to live with loss and find meaning again. Recovery is a personal and gradual process, and there is no fixed timeline.

Find support

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